You Can't Always be a Super Boss Bitch who does Epic Shit.....

Or can you? 

It's all about direction, intent, and timing. 

I recently had a big fail. I have helped lead a group of local women called Houston Latina Bloggers for some time now. I thought that creating a conference was the next big step. So for a few months, we've been planning, preparing, strategizing, and moving forward. Or so I thought..... 

The idea came about to try and help us celebrate our groups 5th anniversary, we also received recognition from the City of Houston. Clearly, this was the next big step, right? 

Well. Flash forward to today and what I have going on. Amid divorce and co-parenting alone in the last year, which brought along a plethora of changes and moves and well just everyday life to deal with. A month ago or so, I was presented with the opportunity to leave my position of 4 plus years from Oil and Gas and return to something that for me was much like coming home. A non-profit in my neighborhood, Northside Houston. 

It's 2 weeks before the conference is supposed to happen and I have a meltdown, an overwhelming feeling of "I can't". My kids and their Dad's schedule takes precedence over anything and everything because well, at the end of the day even though we don't all live in the same place, we are a team. I am also trying to acclimate and establish my new position within a new company. Trying to manage events outside of my already obligated work and family responsibilities just weren't sitting well with me. So, I have since canceled the event. It's hard. Something that I thought about a lot. I was letting myself down and my community of content creators.  

But, then as I attended some work meetings and had the realization of how temporary every job is, a new rush of ideas and energy has overcome me. 

As much as I like to think that I can constantly be on the move, it just doesn't work that way, at least not all the time. Because in the last year and a half there have been many times when I don't even want to get out of bed. When I would walk into work and tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks. When my mind can't seem to focus on the infinite pile of tasks I have to get done. When my heart is aching so much that I truly question my decisions and I wondered how much I've screwed my life up. Days when I ask myself "Connie, why did you do this to yourself, to your family, to your kids?" 

On those days I question the mere existence of my "badassery" and my ability to do epic shit in my life.

And, you know what despite, how much I do, create and write, I have the right to stay in bed, cry at my desk and allow myself to feel the doubt that has filled every corner of my life these days.

You guys, I'm human.

Last year for about 6 months I fully questioned my life and everything that I was doing with it, and at the age of 37 made some pretty BIG decisions that impacted my entire family. For months we dealt with it, in silence and alone. I have since dealt with the shame, the doubt and the pain both somewhat openly and in private. People will never see the days when my whole body is limp and I have no desire to prove my purpose or passion or worth to anyone under any circumstance. Yes, that serious. 

TRUTH IS. As Lizzo would attest, TRUTH REALLY DOES HURT. And, we are so scared to look at our truth and reality and realize that this is it. This is who we are, where we are and what we are. And, that sometimes we have to put shit down, let it go and move on. Even if that means that you can't always do epic shit and be the Boss Bitch that you know you are. 

Truth is, it's like that sometimes. We just have to walk away and allow things to fall apart, eventually, they will grow again. TRUST. Trust the process. It takes time. Some times a lot of time. It takes grace and self-awareness. It's hard. BUT, it will eventually be worth it. 

Trust me. I have lived in it, some days sadly wallowed in it, for over a year and a half now. It is not easy to walk away from something thinking that you maybe could have pulled it off, but your peace of mind, health and sanity do come first. Not making excuses but sometimes, a huge step back and rest is much needed. 

Things do and will fall back into place..... 

{Anatomy of a Date Night} #latinosimparables

Marriage is a priority in my life. The Hubby and I have been together since 1999. We were young. It's been a while. We now have kids. Toddlers to be exact. A 3 1/2 year old and a Two year old. I mention that a lot. They are only 18 months apart. In our defense we were getting older and we didn't want to miss out on having kids. So, we had two, back to back. It's been the biggest Blessing of our life. It's been exhausting. It's been draining. It's been a truly unexpected journey which we didn't expect in our 30's! But, we survive every day more and more...we love our children and our life together. 

Through it all we both have degrees and pursuing our careers and dreams. Then there is every day life. People. Family. Extended Family. Friends. Etc. Etc. 

Marriage is OUR priority. In 2012, my Hubby graduated from college and  we had a series of events that started the realization that we needed adult time. Not just him and I but with friends and people who were living lives similar to ours. We started some date nights. But, it wasn't until December of last year that we realized how important date night was. It was then that my Hubby said; "Man. We need to do this once a month, at least! That's my New Year Resolution." Music to my ears. And, this man has delivered. 

We have made it a point to have a date night at least once a month, sometimes it happens twice and if we are lucky date night has occurred more than twice in a single month. ::insert happy dance here:: One of my great online friends; who I have met in person, wrote about date nights ::here::

{Gracias a Downy for making our date night a memorable one at the #LatinosImparables Jesse & Joy concert!}

Today, I want to establish what needs to happen in our home for a date night to happen...successfully:

First; we must establish WAY far in advanced a date and/or event. We have been to Birthday Dinners, Weddings, the Theater, Company Parties, Happy Hours, Concerts, Our own Anniversary Dinner, and yes even Church, did I mention Target, every date counts....we make no exceptions or excuses. 

Then; we must find a willing soul who would freely {Did I mention, FREELY} like to take on the task of dealing with not one but DOS {2} toddlers named Cami and Santi.  The Baby-sitter! Usually my Momma. She is the best. And, they love her which makes for an easy escape. Minimal tears=Carefree Momma; kind of! I still worry and the Hubby worries more... at the end of the night we end up showing every cell phone picture of our kids to everyone in the room even strangers. They must know how great our kids are. 

We must then figure our logistics. Time frames, pick up/ drop off locations, number involved in party, and supplies needed to care for the party of two and how we will get ready/ meet up and what time we should leave to our event. Trust me coordination and communication is key in operation "Let's Get this Party Started". I may think of hiring a helicopter in the future, just sayin'...

Finally, we make our great escape into adult land and start our night.   

Sound simple enough? Sure, it may seem simple on paper, but it's taken us a little practice and time to get our act together!  We have both placed the same effort into every outing which makes for a very successful and fun night! 

What about you; how do your date nights usually go?