Five Self-Care Tips for Mothers Working Outside The Home
“Through the blur, I wondered if I
was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything
involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were
joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left
you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat
outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's
heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
Motherhood--the
toughest job on the planet. A job
where you invest all of who you are—hopes, dreams, and fears. The rewards often come in the form of smiling
faces, neck hugs, and declarations of “Mommy,
you’re the best!”
But it’s not always this warm and lovely.
There are often days less lovely; days that leave us
questioning whether we’re cut out for motherhood, where we wonder if we’re
scarring our children for life (yes, even
therapist moms question themselves).
Those are the days we’re certain that we not only have to save for our
children’s college tuition, but also their future therapy.
Trust
me. We all have days like this.
Motherhood requires every molecule of your being and every
fiber of your energy. Mothers know this.
Yet, mothers are notorious for neglecting their own needs. They master the art of caretaking and
nurturing…others, but often neglect caring for and nurturing themselves.
Why
is it so easy to neglect ourselves?
The challenge for many mothers is to fight against the idea
that caring for ourselves is selfish. The
fear that cultivating a routine where our needs are at the forefront will make
us “less motherly.”
How would our lives change if we allowed mothers to live by
the belief that caring for ourselves
first and foremost is one of the most loving things we can do for the people we
love?
What if prioritizing your needs makes you a better
mother/wife/girlfriend/sister/woman/human?
What if prioritizing yourself meant you had MORE to give?
I know. Lovely idea,
isn’t it?
You’re probably saying, “Yeah,
right, Lady! How am I supposed to find “me time” between work, the kids
schedules, my partner’s schedule?”
Look, I’m not saying this is going to be easy. You’re going to be pushing against an
avalanche of conflicting emotions, disgruntled children, maybe even disgruntled
partners as you begin to change the script up on everyone. You’ll be fighting against judgmental people
who will raise their eyebrows at you and leave you wondering if you truly are
being selfish?
But there is a difference between self-care and being
selfish. And if you begin to practice
the divine art of self-care then the people you want to care for most will be
receiving the best version of you.
So hang in there and let me guide you on how to establish
these new habits.
Here are 5 Self-Care
Tips for Mothers Working Outside The Home:
1. Make Yourself a Priority.
If I were to ask you to make a list all
the important people in your life, would I find your name on it? The most common issue I hear from mothers is struggling
with the guilt of doing something for themselves.
Many mothers who work outside of the
home feel particularly guilty spending their time away from work doing anything
that is not family-related. They
rationalize that they spend (x) number of hours at the office and couldn’t
possibly take more time away from their home life. Yet when we fail to care for
our mind, body, spirit we quickly become depleted, irritable, and sometimes
even ill.
You are the cup that is used to fill
everyone else’s. What happens when you
don’t refill your cup? That’s
right. You’re left empty.
The saying, “If Mama ain’t happy
nobody’s happy,” rings true for a reason!
2. Identify Your Needs.
I often ask distressed clients, “What
do you need?” That question
often causes people to take a long pause.
They have either never been asked or never taken the time to identify
their needs.
When our life consists of serving
and meeting the needs of others it can be easy to lose touch with our needs/wants/desires
which, ultimately, go unmet. This can
lead to stress, anxiety, depression, exhaustion. You must be aware of your needs.
You can begin to cultivate deeper
self-awareness by practicing yoga, meditation, mindfulness, or journaling, to
name a few. Check in with yourself
regularly throughout the day. Notice
what you’re feeling in your body—is there tension anywhere? Do you notice any dull
or aching sensations? Are you tired? Hungry? What do you need?
3. Ask For What You Need.
Once you’ve identified what you need
you must be willing to ASK for what you need.
Time and time again I hear mothers say that they want the people in
their lives to “just help.” With great
frustration they will insist that those who love them “should know by now” what
to do.
Maybe. Maybe not.
People are often caught up in their
own worlds and busy trying to figure out how to get their own needs met. They may not even notice that you’re
struggling especially if you’ve designed a life where you are the beloved
Superwoman.
You have to be able to ask for what
you need—to get your own needs met.
Asking someone for help is not a
sign of weakness nor is it an automatic indication that the relationship is
flawed. Your loved ones may not
intuitively know what you need, but you may find them willing to help once they
know what to do.
4. Set Aside 30 Minutes of “Me Time”
Every Day.
If you’ve made it this far down the
list without cursing me or laughing hysterically at my suggestions, I applaud
you!
Stay with me on this next one.
Yes, I encourage all mothers, including
working mothers, to find 30 minutes every day dedicated solely and completely
to refilling their cup! Those 30 minutes
can be used for cardio, bubble baths, reading a book for leisure—any activity
that is dedicated to you.
Don’t be discouraged if you can’t
find 30 minutes. Ask yourself, how much
time CAN you gift yourself? 15 minutes? 5 minutes?
The goal is to get you into the
habit of setting aside time for yourself on a regular basis. If the guilt sets in remind yourself that you
are making time to care for the mother of your children.
5. Make Time for For Your Tribe.
If we are going to get through this
Motherhood Journey, then we will need a strong tribe there to support us and to
witness our highs/lows. Often finding
the time, energy for people outside of our home can be an even greater
challenge than finding time for a bubble bath.
Yet humans are wired for connection and having people that we can spend
time with, who leave us feeling seen, heard, and restored is essential.
Find
time at least once a month where you gather with your beloved tribe. Go to dinner, have coffee, book a spa date and
converse, share, cry, laugh—restore your soul!
This also models for your children
the importance of nurturing relationships.
Listen, I get it. This is tough. I didn’t say it would be easy, I said it was essential
to ensuring your health—mind, body, spirit.
The role of motherhood is
sacred. It is a gift. It is a calling. It will require you to invest 100% of you. It will be the most vulnerable role you find
yourself in and none of it will be easy.
This immense responsibility and the energy that it requires begs for you
to care for yourself.
Motherhood is a marathon, not a
sprint. A race which you must be tending to yourself every step of the way.
Take good care of yourself, so that
you will be able to care for those who need you most.
You can find Eliza online:
No comments:
Post a Comment